For those that read barbie’s comments this is my reply: EXCUSE me for expressing my thoughts. Maybe I did make a mistake by letting some (insensitive) people read my journal. As far as parker being sensitive: I dont think he has the capability…or his/your idea of “being sensitive” is actually quite rough and harsh.

 

more later…bell

 

love,kas

Can you spell S-T-R-E-S-S? *sighs* it’s all becoming too much. And all of this with Parker back in town. THAT is killing me. I guess when I figured I was “over it” all I had done was put it on the back burner and not deal with it…..didnt’ realize that until I saw him in the hallway and ALL of the memories came rushing back.  Yeah, still bitter. I’m back to taking scalding showers in an effort to get that grimy feeling off….and my appetite is slowly dying again…..I wanna hate him. Everything that I’ve been taught and known tells me that I should hate him….but for some reason I can’t. I hate myself MORE than I hate him….and that’s stupid. The guilt that I feel over letting something like that happen again and ALLOWING him to take advantage of me (emotionally) overrides the wanting to hate him for doing it. In the end I feel at fault. Which is totally against what I should be feeling. Everyone has said “HE should apologize”……and they’re totally right….and I think that’s what I need….an apology. However, anyone that knows him will tell you…that’s NOT gonna happen…pigs will fly first.

College….what can I say about college. I hope it’ll be fun. I’m not looking forward to it really….I’ve been told I’ll have independence but….yeah, y’all know my ‘rents. I’ll probably be just as sheltered.

As far as me and Aaron are concerned…I’m waiting until the stress of the end of school is over before we make any decisions. *sighs* I dont know anymore. My ‘rents make it so damn hard to have ANY sort of relationship with ANYONE and I dont think I’m justified in making any sort of decision with that kind of influence.

Just trying to get some updates going…

 

Love,

Kas

Well, New Journal for a New Life………

Yes, the entries in this will be censored somewhat because my ‘rents have this annoying habit of being like “your friends can read it and so can we” and then printing shit off to give to people like my therapist. *glares* Yeah, still a little bitter I guess.

 

I’m okay with no therapy…..I’m not better and dont really plan to be “better” right now. I like not eating, I haven’t been cutting, and my relationships are just fine….

 

So, this is mostly a first entry…I’ll try to remember to update frequently

 

Love,

Kas